Things to know:

• I’m a nerd
• Dinobots like chocolate
• The yellow book of goodness knows no wrongs, except for a certain dead screen legend’s brownies
• Any knitted project will be ripped out at least four times and have six errors, which I will pawn off as a Navajo thing
• I am not Navajo
• Uglydolls are partial to cuppycakes.
• Or cookies. Got any cookies?
• Strive for beauty, settle for tasty
• Handmade can mean “made with love”
• It can also mean “made with vengeance”
• Transformers like ice cream
• Just how many ways can you fix pasta for Capt’n Gout?
• If I was a captain of a starship, my order would be “Coffee. Four Splendas. Creamed to Michael Jackson ‘Black-and-White’ era. And don’t give me any lip.”
• The replicator would give me lip.
• It really shouldn’t be this hard.